8 weeks later...

Some may be wondering how I am doing 2 month after the miscarriage. I have done pretty good with a few bumps in the road. I had some physical issues for a while after wards that thankfully has cleared up. The hardest thing I have struggled with is just feeling broken, even though I know I can bare life. It's hard to know that my body for a month was carrying death, a baby with no heartbeat or hope of every being born. The process of a miscarriage was a labor of death and not life. Yes, a 12 hour labor with contractions, water breaking, and all the yuck. Those things were all so surreal for me the first few days and week.

But even with all those feelings and thoughts, I didn't have any bitterness until I closed in on week 8. I think week 8 for me was hard because it marked week 20, the half way point for a full term pregnancy. The point at which my belly usually begins to show like a pregnancy belly and not like I ate to much at the buffet. The week that I can find out if its a boy or a girl. The week that usually just hits me with WOW I am baring life and having a baby. For me that week 20 was huge with my other pregnancies so for me the 8 weeks later that would have been week 20 was bitter with no hint of sweetness.

I still stand firm in saying that the bitterness will not override my joy, my hope, my love, and happiness. So with all that said, the bitterness though is gone for today, I pray that it is not lurking in the dark for tomorrow.